Thursday, May 30, 2013

I Saw a UFO and Fuck You, It Was Real

There is no way to ease into this subject.... yes, I have seen a UFO and yes, they do in fact exist. No, I'm not claiming to have seen "little green men" nor am I suggesting that this was some sort of alien life-form  I AM claiming to have seen a UFO in the most traditional of senses, an "Unidentified Flying Object". Now, I lived about a 45 minute drive from Wright-Patterson Airforce Base, where they are infamous for having off-the-book experimental aircraft and I suspect that it was just that, some still-not-yet released aircraft that was in some sort of development phase.... BUT nonetheless, this happened, and it was real.

It was in late 2001, I was 16 and my buddy Brian was spending the night when we snuck out onto my roof to smoke a cigarette. Brian had just turned 18 and we were enjoying the comfort that comes with having readily-available access to cigarettes  So once my Mom fell asleep, we crawled out of the window to my room around midnight, STONE SOBER, (no beer, no weed, no anything). After about 10 minutes of quietly chain-smoking, we notice a light far off, pointing in our general direction. We began to discuss it and how strange it was to see a light of that type at midnight out in the country-side.

As it gradually got closer we realize that the light is unmistakably pointed directly at us. Not only that, but it IS actually some sort of spotlight,. We literally turned and looked behind us, and could see our shadows silhouetted onto the woods behind my house. "Must be some kind of police-helicopter" I said.... "should we put out our cigerettes?" "No" he responded, "Fuck 'em, I'm over 18 now anyway". Not thinking what that meant to myself being underage, I agreed with him immediately.

As it got closer, we could tell that it had a triangle/dart-like shape unlike anything I'd ever seen outside of the X-Files. It's bright-blue lights vividly outlined its edges, and the spotlight (unmistakeably directed at us alone) originated from the dead center of it. It was quickly approaching us and the house seemed to shake with the tremendous noise that it made, yet my mother's light in her room never turned on... as a matter of fact, no ones lights seemed to go on in the neighborhood. "How can anyone NOT hear this?" I asked myself. Brian and I turned to look at each other, his face seemed bewildered and I'm sure that my face reflected the deep fear that was coursing through my body at the moment.

By the time it approached us at 100 or so feet away, it stopped and paused in mid-air, it was still deafeningly loud, but it somehow just peacefully paused there hanging motionless in the sky. Was I about to be abducted? Dissected? One thing was for sure, I was scared shitless. I turn to Brian in an effort to see what sense he can make of the situation.... as I do, he stands up, pulls his pants down and flashes his beaming white ass at the object. I just sat there in a stupefied-awe as he began to slap his ass and scream "Come on motherfucker!" (To this day, I have not seen a weirder, more ballsy move when confronted by potential danger.)

As I watched this mad, mad scene, I again looked behind us at the tree-line in disbelief, watching the silhouette of my friend provokingly slapping his ass while screaming belligerence at the object. After about 5 seconds of this spectacle, the pilot of the vessel must have either got bored or had "bigger fish-to-fry" as it started to move again. At this point it was directly above us, and my friend finally had the good sense to pull his pants back up as he too watched it in awe. As it loomed directly above us, the whole house was shaking with the insane noise that no one but us seemed to notice. Then the main spot-light went off and suddenly all noise stopped... not metaphorically... literally. There was no noise. There was no sound of crickets. No sound coming from my trying mouth, just dead, dead silence.

Then it quickly took off, vanishing behind the woods at a speed of which I could only make out the blinding light trail of it. Ive never seen anything go so fast in my life, as if it went from 0-300 miles per hour, and as it did, sound seemed to return. As soon as I could collect my rattled thoughts, I struck him several times in the shoulder with my fist and asked him what the hell he was fucking thinking. He then informed me "If I was going to be abducted, they weren't going to take me begging on my knees". He actually said this as if presenting his ass was a better option of some sort.

So that's it. I saw every bit of that and I remember it quite vividly... every terrifying fucking second of it. Alien? Maybe, but more than likely not. More than likely it was just some secret government aircraft that is as of yet unclassified and was being tested at Wright-Patt. But honestly? I hope it was some lifeform trolling the galaxy for signs of higher learning... and as it descended for the first time to experience life on this obviously industrialized planet, it saw Brian's ass and hightailed it back home, warning it's kind to never, ever visit again.